Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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