make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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