No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
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