3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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