Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Randomize
