i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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