I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
