my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
