we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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