I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
