why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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