I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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