Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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