Kiss
Puke
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
