The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
