so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
