I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
