I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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