were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
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