We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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