i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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