I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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