The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
soo... how was my night?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
