oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
