Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
