So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
So vagazzling was a success
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize
