if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
