The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
