I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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