I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
