I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
