A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
