I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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