I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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