i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
