I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
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