i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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