I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting married
To pizza
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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