I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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