Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
