The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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