you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
