Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
