What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
