why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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