He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
