I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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