So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
