i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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