I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
accomplished twins. life is a go
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
