Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
