They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
