the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Randomize
