Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
