My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
