I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
