he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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