we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize