I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
