Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Randomize
