he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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