i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Randomize
