i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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