I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
