So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
You can't just leave with hair like that
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
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