No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
