My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
