why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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